I am returning to my recent past and, I am looking for how strong I was and how much I am. I have the right to be tired. I am asking myself how much do I need a shoulder to rest on, and how much do I deserve it. I am looking for a justification to stay away from everything and from everyone. I am looking to understand how much I need to be in solitude so that I could be alright again.
I turn back and look back and I am surprised that it was me who walked this hard and uneven path with small steps, along the way strength was exhausted and it was me who endured all the hardships on the way and fought with all the problems!
I look back and see myself kneeling on a dark and cold path, wiping away my tears with trembling hands, dressing my wounds, comforting myself, taking a deep breath and getting up again and continuing with all my pain and fatigue. I still have hope. I see myself rolling up my sleeves for my dreams and hugging myself and filling the empty spots in my world.
I look back and I am proud of the tired but courageous and persistent self that I see, and I want to hug him at the end of his helplessness and say: he has tried hard enough and fought hard enough, and even his failed efforts are praiseworthy!
I look at myself, at the healed wounds and fractures within me, and I hold my head up that good or bad, little or much and wherever I have reached was due to my own efforts and no one has the right to claim a portion in my success, I have made myself going through tons of scolding and downfalls wherever I am now I have brought myself here wounded but on my own shoulders. I look back and smile to myself and whisper to myself: fight my warrior! Fight and don’t stop trying to improve because you deserve the best in the world… Fight and don’t forget that while you are trying, you are stronger than ever, even if you are tired, stressed and sad.